We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We need to rekindle our bromance
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
