why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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