So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
