I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
