dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
