So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
