I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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