You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
