From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
