So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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