the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
