Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
