I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
