i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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