so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
