WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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