also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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