is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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