everyone is single if you try hard enough
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
