apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
