you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
