I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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