I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
