dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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