She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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