worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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