So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
