So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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