When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
