She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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