I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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