I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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