Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize