There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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