OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
