I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
