you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
