i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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