i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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