I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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