A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want nice things and good sex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
