Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
