I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize