meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
