we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
