so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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