no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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