it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
