Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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