pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
