The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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