Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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