So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
