giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
