gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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