can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
