i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
