after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
