good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
