dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
