Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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