I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
