She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
