I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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