It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the condom got lost in my hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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