i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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