I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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