is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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