I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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