when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dick very happy bro
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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