My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
