I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
